Hello beautiful! I know that it has been a while since I have blessed myself with the privilege to love on you guys, but like Wayne Dyer once said, " You cannot give what you do not have. Whether it is money, possessions, or even love."
A few months back, Nathaniel and I had decided to call it quits. Even though it may have been for the better and still is. Change has always been one of my least favorite aspect of life. I am and will probably always be a creature of habit.
Since then, I have had to completely rediscover who Rebecca Yadao truly is. "To be or not to be, that is the question?" Right Shakespeare? Am I still the same silly and creative adventurer that I had once grown to love and get a little attached to? Do I still enjoy the same movies and make the same jokes?
The answer is yes! Maybe even more so than before. I no longer look for the smile at the end of my jokes, I no longer dress to impress anybody but myself, and I no longer halt in my tracks in fear that an offended face will stare back at me. I may still dance in my underwear and shout "That's what she said!" WAY too often, but I do it now knowing that the love I feel when I do it doesn't come from anybody but myself. I don't need confirmation nor affirmation, I don't need warm arms wrapped around me at night, and I don't need someone to push me to be better. Now saying that, doesn't mean I do not enjoy confirmation or affirmations, a warm cuddle or a little push. It just means that I have discovered it is no longer a need, but a pleasure and a treasure when I do receive it.
During these last few months I have taken myself out for dinner and a movie, I have fallen and helped myself back up, and I have broken down only to find my own arms comforting the uncomfortable. Although I want to confirm that like you, I have never been and will never be alone. I truly have incredible people in my life and in the last few months have in fact built friendships that I know will last a lifetime, but I have had to build a certain independence that I wouldn't have had if we did not part our ways.
So thank you Nathaniel. You deserve the world and I truly hope you find it, because I know for a fact I will.
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